Mothering Magazine Sponsored Chat with Bee Lavender -- Bee Lavender is a writer, editor, publisher, and activist. After living in the Pacific Northwest for thirty-three years she moved to England, where her office is a canal boat moored on the River Cam. Her books include the anthologies Breeder and Mamaphonic. Her most recent book is a memoir about danger titled Lessons in Taxidermy. Bee is the publisher of the online edition of Hip Mama and created and publishes Girl-Mom, an advocacy website for teen parents, and Yo Mama Says, a news and commentary website for activists.

www.mothering.com
10/19/05

25 mothers in attendance

Webmama_Tina: today we are so lucky to have bee lavender as our guest speaker!
Webmama_Tina: bee, why don't you introduce yourself and give us your background and expertise and anything else you'd like to share
Webmama_Tina: also make sure to plug those sites and books!
Webmama_Tina: if you type with a www at the beginning it will show up as a clickable link
Webmama_Tina: and mamas, y'all can click the links inside the chat and it will open in a new window so you don't lose where you are in the chat room
Bee: Hello, and thanks for inviting me! I'm the publisher of www.Hipmama.com , www.Girlmom.com , and www.Mamaphonic.com . My books include the anthologies Breeder: Real Life Tales from a New Generation of Mothers" and "Mamaphonic: Balancing Motherhood and Other Creative Acts." My most recent book is a memoir about danger called "Lessons in Taxidermy.""
Bee: I grew up in the Pacific Northwest but recently moved to England with my family. I am thirty-four years old and have a fifteen year old daughter and nine year old son.
beekeeper: ?
Bee: Once again, thanks for inviting me, and I'm looking forward to this chat!
Webmama_Tina: we're glad you're here!
moonbrain: hello everyone, i'm new here.  good to be here. :)
Webmama_Tina: glad you're here!
moonbrain: is there a topic?
Webmama_Tina: ok here's the info again for newbies....
Webmama_Tina: Welcome to this week's Mothering Sponsored chat! This is a moderated chat. Please make sure you read and fully understand the Moderated Chat Instructions before participating in this chat. Instructions can be found here: http://www.mommychats.com/modrules.htm  ...A Friendly Reminder: Please do not post unless it is your turn to ask a question. If you have a question, please post a single ?" and you'll be added to the queue. Have your question ready when your name is called."
Webmama_Tina: beekeeper it looks like you're up first!
beekeeper: My family is considering moving to the Seattle area.  What is the most supportive community for hipmamas to live in?
Webmama_Tina: beckie is our queuekeeper...so just throw out those question marks and she'll keep track of who's next
Webmama_Tina: Friendly Reminder: Please do not post unless it is your turn to ask a question. If you have a question, please post a single ?" and you'll be added to the queue. Have your question ready when your name is called. THANKYOU! :)"
Bee: I've lived in several different cities, and while all have advantages and disadvantages, I always found that the key to success was really personal. Even in the cities most recognized for being livable" it is necessary to work on building community, in a tangible daily way. It is possible to feel isolated in the friendliest of cities, unless you work to reach out to people."
Bee: One significant aspect of my career has been to give families new tools to find each other - if you check out www.hipmama.com  or one of the other sites I publish, you can get a very good sense of what is available in local communities. Next question unless you have a follow up?
beekeeper: ?
Mod_beckie: Beekeeper, you can continue
beekeeper: Is Olympia a nice town?
Bee: Olympia is a very nice town - it is the state capital and is also home to The Evergreen State College, a progressive liberal arts college. The music and art scene in Olympia are excellent, and there are lots of interesting families in the area. I lived in Olympia from 1989 until 1995 while attending college and grad school and enjoyed my time there.
Webmama_Tina: sorry mamas, my browser crashed...stupid firefox gives me so many problems...i'm back
beekeeper: Thank you for info. I'm done.
Bee: I would also add that Portland, Oregon is a very good place to live while raising kids. Thanks! Next question.
Webmama_Tina: bee, while we're waiting for questions...(sometimes it takes a bit to get them going)....can you share a little about how you started your first site?
Webmama_Tina: and then where that went from there...a bit of bee history, :)
Bee: I was a first-generation web site designer, when the world wide web was brand new and uncharted. From the start I worked on niche sites that helped people find others who shared their views, but for the first few years it was not my full-time job.
moonbrain: ?
indiemama: Hello, indiemama here. new to mothering chat
Webmama_Tina: hi indiemama, glad you made it! this is a moderated chat...lemme post the intro again for ya....
abs559: ?
Bee: My first career was in policy analysis and I worked in government as a disability civil rights expert. When my son was born premature I decided to take time off to be with my family - my daughter was six years old at the time. We had just moved to Portland and I felt fairly isolated with two small children. I had been a subscriber to the print version of Hip Mama since the first issue and was really struck by the potential to help all the other Hip Mama folks find each other through this new medium. I volunteered to develop the online community, and gradually built the project up to the phenomenal level it has achieved.
Mod_beckie: after our bee-history ;) Upcoming Chatters ~ Moonbrain, abs559
Bee: Through the years I've had the opportunity to work with countless volunteers, moderators, and community members with a common objective of creating a sustainable, nurturing place for parents who do not quite fit in elsewhere. I can take a question or keep talking about the history, either way!
Mod_beckie: How about we let Moonbrain ask her question :)
moonbrain: Thanx!  So happy to be here. :) I am almost finished with the first issue of my mommy zine titled, Mucous Plug.  Do you have any suggestions on how to distro it so it reaches the mama community that are interested in zines?
Webmama_Tina: :)
Bee: We have a fantastic community of zine mamas at www.Mamaphonic.com  -- they are amazing, awesome women who have all sorts of resources and advice! They even periodically create omnibus issues of mama zines. You should definitely check it out! Next question.
Mod_beckie: abs559 ~ you're up!
abs559: Greetings!! What site would you recommend for moms and teen girls?
jhennypher: Does anyone allow their baby to sleep on their tummy? My newborn gets such a restless sleep - if he sleeps at all when I lay him down - that I wonder if that is a health issue also. I feel so guilty that he isn't sleeping well.
Webmama_Tina: jhennypher we are in a moderated chat right now....
Webmama_Tina: i'm glad you made it though!
Webmama_Tina: right now its moonbrain's turn
Webmama_Tina: beckie is keeping our queue today
Webmama_Tina: oh sorry, abs559 is currently up, lol
Bee: I'm partial to www.Hipmama.com , www.Yomamasays.org , and www.Mamaphonic.com  for general and specific family resources. The various sites have different levels of information, and of course each family has to make their own choices about what is appropriate. We try to tell the truth about life via our sites, even if it is raw - and there have been many, many examples of people enjoying our sites, taking something they like, and moving on to create their own. The internet is a fantastic resource because people can create exactly what they think the world needs. Often, they are right! There is an audience for everything. Also, if you know anyone who needs the resource, I am extremely proud of the work we do at www.Girlmom.com . That site is a place for strong young mothers to find the support they need to achieve their goals, while also taking care of their young families. Next question.
kiakiali: now am i where Bee is chatting?
Mod_beckie: yes, kiakiali :)
Webmama_Tina: glad you made it  kiakiali !!
kiakiali: wonderful...good morning folks
Bee: Next question?
Mod_beckie: I think our queue is empty, can you continue your history?
Bee: Ok!
stellabella: ?
beekeeper: ?
Bee: After I had been developing the site community for a few years Ariel (the publisher of the print zine and founder of HM) and I started to have a series of conversations about what it meant for us, as young women with strong opinions, to choose both family and career. We started to wonder what other young mothers, specifically feminists under thirty, thought about their choice to have kids. What were the challenges, the good parts? Those conversations turned into Breeder.""
Bee: Next question (let me know when more history is required!)
Mod_beckie: Stellabella you are up!
stellabella: sorry, still finding my feet here. No question, just want to comment on what an impact Hip Mama and Breeder have made in my life.
hilseb: ?
Bee: A bit more history: during the Breeder" book tour lots of women asked how we did it - how did we, on a practical level, remain creative while raising young kids? I was a bit flippant at first and said "I'm an insomniac" -- but then I wondered what the real answer was, for all the other people out there who faced the same set of challenges. From that thought I created www.Mamaphonic.com . After years of interacting with the vibrant community that built up on that site, I decided that the concept could turn into a really excellent book. With the producer of the site, Maia Rossini, I put out a call for submissions. We were expecting fifty or so submissions but received over 400. There were so many thrilling, amazing, and heartrending stories it was a terrible challenge to choose!"
Bee: Thanks, stellabella!
Mod_beckie: Beekeeper, you are next :)
Bee: Next question?
Webmama_Tina: hoo hoo, beekeeper? you there?
Webmama_Tina: :)
beekeeper: Why did you move to London?  I am very discouraged in my community in Western Colorado as it is very conservative.  I've tried online stuff, but not very fulfilling. I'm looking for friends in Northwest area, hence the question.  Any advice?
Webmama_Tina: ah she was typing
Webmama_Tina: :)
kiakiali: ?
Bee: The pragmatic answer regarding the move to England is the fact that my husband was offered a job here. In general terms, I believe in a form of government that provides public health and safety infrastructure for all citizens.
Bee: I've actually spent quite a lot of time in Colorado, and I know what you are talking about! It is hard to find friends in a huge place like that.
Bee: In terms of the NW, there are lots and lots of people on the HM site who live in Portland, Seattle, Olympia, etc. There are also lots of women on www.livejournal.com  who have made the move - I would definitely suggest asking around to find some who could answer your question more thoroughly. Next question?
beekeeper: Thank you very much!
Webmama_Tina: anyone else in line beck?
Mod_beckie: hilseb your up!
hilseb: Do you consider yourself an optimist?  Considering what has happened in your personal life and the situation in the world, how do you  pass on hope to your kids? (Moving to Europe may be one answer....) (BTW, thanks for hipmama..I am Sunflower)
Bee: No problem! I really like the NW. I also like visiting Colorado!
hilseb: (I pretyped bc I was nursing)
Bee: Hello Sunflower!
hilseb: Hi
hilseb: better to talk about esoteric stuff
Bee: Yes, I am an optimist - I do believe that the world can be made a better place. It is true that I've faced a number of challenges in my life; I had cancer as a child, I was a single teen mother, I worked my way out of poverty. But for every terrible thing there has always been a valuable lesson.
Bee: My kids, luckily, seem to have a natural ability to enjoy their lives. Even when things are hard, for instance in moving to a new country, we have a very good time together and really enjoy each other.
hilseb: thanks - Lessons in Taxidermy helped me be an optimist bc if you could survive and be so positive, I should be able to be, www.Hipmama.com  helps!
Bee: I think that happiness is a skill that has to be practiced, just like, well, badminton. Moving to Europe is part of my long-term planning to create a more sustainable life for my small family.
hilseb: you seem to take practical steps to happiness. I am trying to also
Bee: Thank you! I think that my mother deserves a great deal of credit, because no matter how sick I was, she always forced me to see the funny side of the situation. It is imperative, absolutely critical, to see the humor in daily life.
hilseb: definitely helps
Bee: Does that answer?
hilseb: very well thanks
Mod_beckie: Kiakaili, it's your turn :)
kiakiali: i am a writer, too & wonder how difficult it was for moms like you & Ariel to find publishers for your mama topic books. Also, any been there, done that, don't do THAT" advice to other mom writers looking to break into print? I am HipMama's mamanopajamas."
Bee: Thank you!
Bee: Hello mamanopajamas! Thanks for the question --
Bee: The publishing industry in general is very tricky. Ariel & I have both been very lucky to meet the right people and find the right deals for our different projects. It hasn't always been easy: I know many writers who are acclaimed for work that was originally turned down by an endless list of publishers.
kiakiali: in my experience it is alot of luck involved ...and finding jut the right person to do your project
Bee: My own memoir, Lessons in Taxidermy, was deemed beautiful, frightening, and not commercial." I was told that my perspective as "too masculine." I just ignored those comments and kept on doing what I thought was right, which was to tell my own truth. Eventually I found a publisher who agreed with my vision, and the book was released to critical acclaim and strong sales. The early negative people were just wrong!"
kiakiali: so, yoru advice is just keep plugging along until you find one who sees your vision?
Bee: Yes, luck is definitely a key factor. It is also necessary to have a thick skin and ignore rejection, because rejection is generally irrelevant. You just have to find your niche, and you'll know when you meet the people you really want to work with.
Webmama_Tina: SARK says if you're not being rejected, you're not trying hard enough." LOL"
kiakiali: i worked on getting a revolutionary book about Chaucer published & it was a long process until we found a publisher who personally adored chaucer
Bee: But having said that, it is also important to employ the sorts of methods they teach in networking and team building classes. Go to conferences, and events, take classes, meet other writers, be friendly -- build a community of writers who you like, and through them you will meet more people. The world is a fascinating place, and the way to achieve any goal is to get out there and work on it.
kiakiali: yeah, i run a writers group
kiakiali: thank you Bee for this morning, HipMama & Mamaphonic
Bee: Exactly! And for people who are isolated and can't find likeminded friends in their own town, the internet offers up incredible ways of connecting with each other.
Bee: Thank you! Any other questions?
Webmama_Tina: we still have 7 min and no one in the queue currently...bee can you share more about girl-mom and yo mama says? i don't think you spoke much about them yet?
Bee: Ah, yes, thanks!
Bee: I was a single teen mother and the worst problem I ever faced was simply the judgment of other people. I was a good mom, an intuitive parent, I worked my way through college, eventually had a professional job -- but people criticized my choice no matter how hard I worked.
Bee: This experience left me feeling isolated, frustrated, and angry. I was never ashamed of my small family: I just wanted to be left alone to do my best. But when my kids were older and I met more mothers who had gone through similar challenges, I realized that there was a strong reason to address the problem. I created www.Girlmom.com  as a communty BY and FOR young mothers.
Bee: I provide the infrastructure and funding, and the young mothers have built up a simply fantastic safe community to help each other. I'm prouder of that site than anything else - particularly of the opportunity to work with so many smart, savvy young women.
Webmama_Tina: very cool
Bee: www.Yomamasays.org started from the realization that news mediums rarely give politically minded parents enough facts and resources - we wanted to offer up a strongly political site that could convey news, and action alerts, as fast as possible for the defined community. For instance, if a coffee shop kicks out a nursing mother, we can help get the word out for a nurse-in.
indiemama: ?
Bee: Any questions?
Webmama_Tina: indiemama i think we can squeeze you in
Webmama_Tina: last question
Webmama_Tina: :)
indiemama: yaay!
indiemama: I've been following the hip mama, girl mom...communities for about 3 years now.
indiemama: they have changed quite a bit in the past 3 years
indiemama: what are your hopes for those sites and communities in the upcoming years?
Bee: Yes, they have changed! We try to respond to new needs (and new problems) fluidly. It isn't always clear what the best possible choice is, but I work with super smart women who have great perspectives on how to grow and learn.
Bee: Over the next few years I hope that we keep growing, keep changing, and keep helping people. One significant way that we do this is by encouraging people to create their own projects, and helping people find the resources they need.
Bee: I'm really honored to have met so many HM families over the years. The best people in the world can be found at www.hipmama.com !
Webmama_Tina: well i think that about does it for another wonderful mothering mag sponsored chat!
Webmama_Tina: thank you soooooooo much bee!
Bee: Thank you so much! This was great fun!
Webmama_Tina: this was wonderful!
Webmama_Tina: can you post your links one last time for those that may have missed them?
Bee: http://www.hipmama.com
Bee: http://www.girlmom.com
Bee: http://www.mamaphonic.com
Bee: http://www.yomamasays.org
Webmama_Tina: i hope we can have you again sometime!!
Bee: http://www.foment.net  - for information about my upcoming East coast book tour!
Webmama_Tina: and mamas, there are lots more great chats on mommychats!
Webmama_Tina: Please join the Mommy Chats egroup at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/mommychats  to receive notices about upcoming chats and changes to Mommy Chats.
Bee: Thanks again to everyone! Cheers! xoxo
Webmama_Tina: i just revamped mommychats this morning and there is now a calendar on the bottom of this page
Webmama_Tina: take care bee! and thanks again!
Bee: Thank you! So long!