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20:03:03 |
Host_Colleen |
Welcome to this week's Positive
Parenting chat! This is a moderated
chat. Please make sure you read and
fully understand the Moderated Chat
Instructions before participating in
this chat. Instructions can be found
here: http://www.mommychats.com/modrules.htm
...A Friendly Reminder: Please do not
post unless it is your turn to ask a
question. If you have a question, please
post a single ?" and you'll be added to
the queue. Have your question ready when
your name is called." |
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20:03:19 |
Host_Colleen |
;) |
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20:03:19 |
minicooper |
me too... 2.5 years old is getting touch |
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20:03:24 |
minicooper |
oops tough even |
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20:03:41 |
Host_Colleen |
I ready when you are |
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20:03:53 |
Webmama_Tina |
you going with the moderated chat? |
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20:03:58 |
Webmama_Tina |
you can do whatever you like |
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20:03:59 |
Webmama_Tina |
:) |
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20:04:06 |
Webmama_Tina |
i just want to follow your lead on how
you want your chat to be |
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20:04:11 |
Webmama_Tina |
:) |
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20:04:33 |
Webmama_Tina |
? |
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20:04:35 |
Webmama_Tina |
\:) |
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20:04:37 |
Webmama_Tina |
:) |
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20:05:19 |
Host_Colleen |
i guess what is the difference lol |
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20:05:33 |
Host_Colleen |
still new to this myself |
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20:05:38 |
Webmama_Tina |
:) |
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20:05:47 |
Webmama_Tina |
usually if there's not many people, you
can just go casual... |
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20:05:50 |
Webmama_Tina |
but its up to you |
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20:05:54 |
Webmama_Tina |
ok so shall i ask my question? |
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20:05:57 |
Host_Colleen |
ok let's go casual |
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20:06:00 |
Host_Colleen |
yes ask away! |
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20:06:01 |
Webmama_Tina |
or give my scenario |
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20:06:02 |
Webmama_Tina |
ok |
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20:06:08 |
Webmama_Tina |
so my daughter is 5.5yrs old... |
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20:06:17 |
Webmama_Tina |
and most of the tantrums i read about in
the books are for 1 and 2 yr olds |
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20:06:19 |
Webmama_Tina |
this is way different |
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20:06:42 |
Webmama_Tina |
she will completely lose control a
couple times a week...usually not super
frequent but they are horrendous |
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20:06:47 |
Webmama_Tina |
she only does this at home thank god |
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20:07:15 |
Webmama_Tina |
but when she loses it she's screaming
like a maniac and i have to physically
take her to her bed to have her lay down
to calm down |
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20:07:26 |
Webmama_Tina |
i'm ready to go ape on her when she does
this so that's all i can think of to do
at this point |
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20:07:35 |
Webmama_Tina |
i don't want to yell or hit |
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20:07:42 |
Host_Colleen |
what triggers it? |
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20:07:44 |
Webmama_Tina |
although i don't believe in time
outs...that's essentially what i do |
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20:07:53 |
Webmama_Tina |
well it could be anything really...but
usually frustration |
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20:07:59 |
Webmama_Tina |
she has a baby brother and he annoys her |
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20:08:08 |
Webmama_Tina |
and she's highly irritable |
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20:08:22 |
Host_Colleen |
what happened right before the last one? |
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20:08:24 |
Webmama_Tina |
it usually seems to happen at a time of
day when she tends to be out of sorts |
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20:08:27 |
Webmama_Tina |
tired, hungry, etc |
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20:08:32 |
Webmama_Tina |
lemme think...umm...oh yes |
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20:08:35 |
Host_Colleen |
nodding |
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20:08:36 |
Webmama_Tina |
she hit her brother |
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20:08:49 |
Webmama_Tina |
i tell ya i don't know what to do with
her when she hits! |
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20:08:57 |
Webmama_Tina |
she never was a hitter til just recently |
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20:09:04 |
Webmama_Tina |
anyway i got angry and she lost control |
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20:09:14 |
Host_Colleen |
very frustrating for you AND her |
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20:09:15 |
Webmama_Tina |
i suspect she was also ashamed of
herself |
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20:09:54 |
Webmama_Tina |
she tends to freak out if she's feeling
bad about herself and she doesn't want
any consoling or holding or
anything...but i was angry so i was
trying to figure out what to do and she
went freako really fast and just lost it |
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20:10:57 |
Host_Colleen |
sometimes hugging her (even though she
may resist) is the best thing you can
do. |
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20:11:17 |
Host_Colleen |
if she is talking (or screaming) and you
can understand her |
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20:11:25 |
Host_Colleen |
you want to repeat what she is saying |
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20:11:51 |
Webmama_Tina |
sorry |
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20:11:55 |
Webmama_Tina |
baby disappeared |
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20:12:01 |
Webmama_Tina |
had to find him...found him with a
balloon! |
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20:12:02 |
Host_Colleen |
He took my block!"" |
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20:12:03 |
Webmama_Tina |
bad mama, lol |
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20:12:07 |
Host_Colleen |
lol |
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20:12:20 |
Webmama_Tina |
ok repeat what she is saying... |
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20:12:29 |
Host_Colleen |
then put names to her feelings |
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20:12:32 |
Webmama_Tina |
right |
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20:12:36 |
Host_Colleen |
You are frustrated! |
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20:12:42 |
Host_Colleen |
You are angry! |
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20:13:01 |
Webmama_Tina |
i tell her...its ok to be angry but its
not ok to hit |
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20:13:07 |
Webmama_Tina |
we've talked about hitting pillows,
etc... |
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20:13:23 |
Host_Colleen |
Hug her tight even if she resists - not
to restrain just to reasuure |
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20:13:26 |
Host_Colleen |
that is great |
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20:13:30 |
Webmama_Tina |
she just freaks out when she gets
disciplined on anything and then you
just can't do anything til she calms
down... |
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20:13:37 |
Host_Colleen |
sounds like you know a lot about
positive parenting! |
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20:13:49 |
Webmama_Tina |
she just will not even do a thing that i
suggest to try to calm her down |
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20:13:55 |
Webmama_Tina |
its always i caaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaan't"" |
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20:14:22 |
Host_Colleen |
then you You can't! You feel like you
can't! You feel helpless and sad!"" |
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20:14:22 |
Webmama_Tina |
what exactly do you suggest to do as a
consequence for her hitting her baby
brother? (he's one0 |
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20:14:31 |
Webmama_Tina |
i don't believe in punishment but i feel
like i should be doing something |
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20:14:35 |
Webmama_Tina |
ok |
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20:14:36 |
Host_Colleen |
why did she hit? |
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20:14:38 |
MandMmom |
sometimes I have to count to 10 WITH my
daughter -- and sometimes a few times in
a row. |
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20:14:44 |
Webmama_Tina |
oh he pulled the blanket off her fort |
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20:14:54 |
Host_Colleen |
ok |
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20:14:55 |
Webmama_Tina |
she got enraged and hit him |
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20:15:01 |
Webmama_Tina |
i can totally understand her
feelings...and i tell her that |
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20:15:06 |
Host_Colleen |
focus on a solution to her problem |
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20:15:14 |
Host_Colleen |
what is her name? |
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20:15:14 |
Webmama_Tina |
ok |
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20:15:16 |
Webmama_Tina |
maeven |
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20:15:41 |
Host_Colleen |
maeven, I see that you are frustrated
b/c the baby pulled the blanket off your
fort |
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20:16:03 |
Webmama_Tina |
she's classic as far as her feelings
that baby is annoying and in the way and
mommy and daddy pay more attention to
him than her.. |
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20:16:07 |
Webmama_Tina |
ok |
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20:16:08 |
Host_Colleen |
there is a solution to every problem . .
. what do you think the solution to this
one is |
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20:16:24 |
Webmama_Tina |
ok at that moment she won't be reasoned
with cuz she lost control almost
immediately |
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20:16:26 |
Host_Colleen |
maybe we could build him his own fort? |
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20:16:34 |
Webmama_Tina |
so should i just do the holding until
she calms |
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20:16:37 |
Webmama_Tina |
and then talk? |
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20:16:44 |
Host_Colleen |
ok |
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20:16:45 |
Webmama_Tina |
even though she just hit her brother? |
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20:17:03 |
Webmama_Tina |
and he's screaming and she's
screaming...ay yi yi...mommy's losing
it, lol |
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20:17:05 |
Host_Colleen |
since controlling the outbreak needs to
be done before we can more on |
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20:17:25 |
Webmama_Tina |
yeah as soon as she gets caught doing
something wrong she tends to tantrum |
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20:17:31 |
Host_Colleen |
move on let's talk about relaxation |
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20:17:34 |
Webmama_Tina |
like i said, i think she is ashamed of
herself |
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20:17:38 |
Webmama_Tina |
ok |
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20:17:53 |
Host_Colleen |
that is understandable first borns tend
to be perfectionists esp girls |
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20:17:58 |
Webmama_Tina |
oh heck ya |
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20:18:01 |
Webmama_Tina |
she's just like me |
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20:18:06 |
Host_Colleen |
;) |
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20:18:20 |
Host_Colleen |
so you should talk with her about
relaxation |
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20:18:34 |
Webmama_Tina |
highly irritable too...i was the same
way with my bro...and i tell her that
all the time...i tell her that's what
baby brothers do...they annoy you...you
have to learn to not let it annoy you |
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20:18:37 |
Webmama_Tina |
ok |
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20:18:39 |
Host_Colleen |
before bedtime tell he a story about a
little girl who get SO MAD at her baby
brother |
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20:18:50 |
Webmama_Tina |
ok that's an idea i've not
tried...telling a story |
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20:19:05 |
Host_Colleen |
and this little girl has magic powers |
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20:19:13 |
Host_Colleen |
they are called relaxing breaths |
