Thu Jul 1 20:11:11 2004:marisa [0/] Msg:Anyone have
suggestions to help a 2 yr old go to bed besides routine (we do
that) and lay there with him (doesn't work)
Thu Jul 1 20:11:34 2004:bananamama
[0/] Msg:We layed with our kids in their rooms until they fell
asleep
Thu Jul 1 20:11:47 2004:graceangeles
[0/] Msg:what does he do when you lay w/ him?
Thu Jul 1 20:11:47 2004:bananamama
[0/] Msg:We'd make it dark, and insist that they close their eyes or
we'd leave
Thu Jul 1 20:11:53 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:elijah crawls all over us and thinks it is play time
Thu Jul 1 20:11:54 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:you guys can chat amongst yourselves and with the dr while
check out this welcome message
Thu Jul 1 20:12:01 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Logout:_
Thu Jul 1 20:12:07 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Login:
Thu Jul 1 20:12:08 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:dh ends up asleep and Elijah then goes out to the
livingroom or whereever
Thu Jul 1 20:12:15 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Logout:_
Thu Jul 1 20:12:26 2004:bttmama
[0/] Msg:Dr. Cohen I loved your book and was wondering what your
thoughts were on kids who do not play alone ever -for instance my
son is almost 3.5 and has never played alone for even one minute -
to be honest I am tired of constantly having to entertain him
Thu Jul 1 20:12:41 2004:Kimberly
[0/] Login:
Thu Jul 1 20:12:41 2004:graceangeles
[0/] Msg:marisa - is his room babyproofed?
Thu Jul 1 20:12:51 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:I think often kids need to feel "filled up" before they can
settle themselves to sleep for the night. I think it's like eating
enough dinner to hol dthem over till breakfast. So routines that do
this kind of fill-up with love and affection are good. Also
Thu Jul 1 20:12:52 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Login:
Thu Jul 1 20:12:52 2004:bananamama
[0/] Msg:I have a ds who hates to play alone too, unless we make him
go to his room for quiet time
Thu Jul 1 20:12:53 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:yes but he won't stay in there
Thu Jul 1 20:12:58 2004:Cass
[0/] JoinRoom:_
Thu Jul 1 20:13:01 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:ok i'm back
Thu Jul 1 20:13:04 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:it worked now
Thu Jul 1 20:13:10 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:Dr, are you there?
Thu Jul 1 20:13:18 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:unfortunately night time routine will go on for hours of
"fill-up"
Thu Jul 1 20:13:32 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:he gets rocked and sung to and he will stay awake for hours
Thu Jul 1 20:13:40 2004:bananamama
[0/] Msg:Does he take a nap?
Thu Jul 1 20:13:46 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:I like to say "I am going to go brush my teeth, and when I
come back I will check on you, if you are asleep I'll kiss you
goodnight, if you are still up I will lay down with you some more."
That lets them look forwaard to you coming back, instead of dreadi
Thu Jul 1 20:13:49 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:my husband is not home yet and my dd is driving me
bananas....bear with me, lol
Thu Jul 1 20:14:01 2004:graceangeles
[0/] Msg:does he have to be to bed by a certain time (daycare,
preschool, etc.)
Thu Jul 1 20:14:03 2004:angel
[0/] Msg:we stay with our kids too, till they fall asleep easier on
all of us
Thu Jul 1 20:14:06 2004:Cass
[0/] Msg:are we in the right place to chat about playful parenting?
Thu Jul 1 20:14:14 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:naps take only 15-20 min of rock and sing... he has to take
napes because otherwise he gets violent with his 6 mo old sister or
he is a total bear
Thu Jul 1 20:14:18 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:and doesn't sleep enough
Thu Jul 1 20:14:36 2004:bananamama
[0/] Msg:We found with our kids that if they weren't settling down
at night, it was because of their nap
Thu Jul 1 20:14:44 2004:bananamama
[0/] Msg:if we skipped the nap they'd be out around 7pm
Thu Jul 1 20:14:53 2004:bananamama
[0/] Msg:and bedtime was easier to get the to sleep
Thu Jul 1 20:15:03 2004:Cass
[0/] Msg:Dr. Cohen we really enjoyed your book.
Thu Jul 1 20:15:07 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:I have experimented with this too- let him not take a nap-
makes bed time even worse some times
Thu Jul 1 20:15:10 2004:graceangeles
[0/] Msg:i found it impossible to *make* our dd go to sleep - we
ended up adjusting her bedtime - she is just naturally a night owl
Thu Jul 1 20:15:16 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:I am here--I will start anwering questions but I'll just
introduce myself first. This is the chat for Playful Parenting. I
wrote a book by that name, and it's also my website (
www.playfulparenting.com ).
I am a psychologist and a parent. I look forward to
Thu Jul 1 20:15:21 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:spending this time with you.
Thu Jul 1 20:15:24 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:ok sounds great
Thu Jul 1 20:15:30 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:i'll get my list
Thu Jul 1 20:15:38 2004:graceangeles
[0/] Msg:once she fell asleep better - on *her* time - we were less
stressed which made bedtime easier & she slept better
Thu Jul 1 20:16:05 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:To Cass--I am glad you liked the book--perhaps you can tell
the folks here anything you tried that worked (or didn't).
Thu Jul 1 20:16:08 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:ok ladies....lets keep the side conversations to private
messages now....
Thu Jul 1 20:16:23 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:to PM someone, just double click their name in the list to
the right
Thu Jul 1 20:16:37 2004:graceangeles
[0/] Msg:Dr. Cohen - my Isabel LOVES the pocket number game!
Thu Jul 1 20:16:41 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:if you have a question for the doctor, please PM me and
i'll add you to the list...so we can take turns
Thu Jul 1 20:16:42 2004:angel
[0/] Msg:you cant make kids go to sleep just give them the tools to
help them
Thu Jul 1 20:16:49 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:starting the list...who wants to go first?
Thu Jul 1 20:17:05 2004:Cass
[0/] Msg:I liked how acting out situations that Karina needed to
work on helped her so much, and helping her recovery from emotional
upsets by telling the story of it over and over
Thu Jul 1 20:18:02 2004:Dragonfly
[0/] Login:
Thu Jul 1 20:18:08 2004:Cass
[0/] Msg:Karina is very emotionally charged and helping her find an
outlet for that with play was just an incredible discovery and a
great way for me to reconnect with her
Thu Jul 1 20:18:09 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:I'll explain the pocket number game: I was trying to help
some kids with manners (even though that's not my strong point!)_ so
I walked with them to the [park and said, you better not tell anyone
my pocket number! They asked me what it was (I just made
Thu Jul 1 20:18:20 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:ok woops...you don't need to PM me your questions...just
that you have one, lol
Thu Jul 1 20:18:35 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:that up on the spot), and I made them promise not to tell
anyone. of course, at the park they said, hey everyone, you want to
know larry's pocket
Thu Jul 1 20:19:00 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:number? I pretended to get real upset, and they giggled
away.
Thu Jul 1 20:19:27 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:ok, i have BTTMAMA for our first question when you're ready
dr. cohen
Thu Jul 1 20:19:32 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:ready
Thu Jul 1 20:19:38 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:ok go BTTMAMA
Thu Jul 1 20:19:56 2004:bttmama
[0/] Msg:I loved your book and was wondering what to do with a 3.5yr
old who has nevre played alone
Thu Jul 1 20:20:05 2004:bttmama
[0/] Msg:im tired of always having to entertain him to be honest
Thu Jul 1 20:20:55 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:Some children have very strong preferences to play with
adults or with other kids rather than play alone, but of course it
is a good skill to have not to mention necessary for our own
sanity. I might try acting it out with
Thu Jul 1 20:21:36 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:2 stuffed animals or dolls, letting one be the one to say,
"you can play by yourself," and the other one says, "No! No!" See if
she giggles or joins in the play.
Thu Jul 1 20:21:50 2004:graceangeles
[0/] Msg:Webmama_Tina hello - please add me to the list for a
question for Dr. Cohen
Thu Jul 1 20:22:14 2004:bttmama
[0/] Msg:ok ill try that
Thu Jul 1 20:22:23 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:If she does, then let her lead the way in playing a game
about it. Also, you can ease your way out--take a step backwards and
say "can I get THIS far away?" then another step backwards, until
you are right at the edge of what she can handle.
Thu Jul 1 20:22:45 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:next?
Thu Jul 1 20:23:03 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:bear with me...my 3.5yr old is tantruming...daddy's not
home yet and she's wanting me to help her with all kinds of stuff,
of course...murphy's law
Thu Jul 1 20:23:13 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:next is ....
Thu Jul 1 20:23:19 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:geokelkate
Thu Jul 1 20:23:21 2004:geokelkate
[0/] Msg:Actually, I had the same question as bttmama. But I was
wondering how to encourage my 3 year old to play more with her 6
month old sister instead of taking baby toys away from her.
Thu Jul 1 20:23:33 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:daddy should be home any second, i HOPE!!!
Thu Jul 1 20:24:33 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:With sibling situations like this, it helps ENORMOUSLY for
each of them to have special one-on-one time with you, even if this
is hard to arrange, it is worth it. Also, if the bigger one takes
toys, try taking the toy yourself and run with it (in a funny
Thu Jul 1 20:25:04 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:way, not an I'll show you way). say, "even the two of you
together can't get it away from me!" of course the baby can't chase
you yet, but you
Thu Jul 1 20:25:28 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:can make it so that the older one can't get the toy back
unless the two of them somehow work together. Also, you have to
actively
Thu Jul 1 20:25:30 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:how does taking a toy away help them not take the toys?
Thu Jul 1 20:25:51 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:teach kids to let younger ones lead the way in play--you
teach them that by having lots of time when they are the boss?
Thu Jul 1 20:26:19 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:Taking a toy away in a funny silly way gets them to giggle
about it--I don't mean punishing them by taking it away. I mean a
game of it.
Thu Jul 1 20:26:39 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:**a little playful parenting going on here to try to
entertain maeven...talking with a pen in my mouth to make her laugh
and stop crying...LOL! it worked. :)**
Thu Jul 1 20:26:46 2004:geokelkate
[0/] Msg:that actually sounds really good
Thu Jul 1 20:26:47 2004:geokelkate
[0/] Msg:thanks
Thu Jul 1 20:27:55 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:also, with older siblings, one thing you can do is say, in
a funny voice, you better not take my toy away from me! and draw the
"aggression" onto yourself, and away from the baby. You can play
Thu Jul 1 20:28:00 2004:graceangeles
[0/] Msg:i am having a hard time w/ my almost 5 yo saying she hates
other kids in their presence.
Thu Jul 1 20:28:08 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:with the concept in a way that the younger child can't
Thu Jul 1 20:28:19 2004:graceangeles
[0/] Msg:i find it difficult to say all that i need to when it
occurs
Thu Jul 1 20:28:24 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:okay, I'll think a moment on that one.
Thu Jul 1 20:28:42 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg::)
Thu Jul 1 20:28:49 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:that's very honest
Thu Jul 1 20:28:51 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg::)
Thu Jul 1 20:28:56 2004:bookwormmama
[0/] Login:
Thu Jul 1 20:29:03 2004:graceangeles
[0/] Msg:i tell her, "you don't like what x is doing/saying, but you
are still friends"
Thu Jul 1 20:29:03 2004:bananamama
[0/] Msg:My kids have been saying I hate you to each other too
Thu Jul 1 20:29:20 2004:bookwormmama
[0/] Logout:_
Thu Jul 1 20:29:22 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:children hear this kind of insult, about themselves or
about other kids, and it upsets them. so they deal with it the way
they dea with all upsets
Thu Jul 1 20:29:37 2004:bananamama
[0/] Msg:I've started telling them to keep mean thoughts in their
heads and that it hurts to say them to people
Thu Jul 1 20:29:40 2004:graceangeles
[0/] Msg:her response is, no we are not. we talk about not saying
hurtful things later, but in the heat of the moment, it is hard..
Thu Jul 1 20:29:53 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:they act it out or I should say PLAY it out. If you, as I
said before,m draw it on yourself then you can make it a
constructive game instead of a mean thing to say to a peer. f
Thu Jul 1 20:29:54 2004:bananamama
[0/] Msg:They've actually been workling hard to keep them in their
heads. I think they consider it a challenge
Thu Jul 1 20:30:37 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:or example, say, "you better not say that to me!" when they
say it to you, you can then say," You can say you hate me, but you
better not call me a hamburger!" they will of course say that, then
you are off on a great
Thu Jul 1 20:30:52 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:game that helps them relieve all that tension about mean
words and name-calling.
Thu Jul 1 20:31:19 2004:Cass
[0/] Msg:i have a question too
Thu Jul 1 20:31:26 2004:mocha09
[0/] Login:
Thu Jul 1 20:31:26 2004:graceangeles
[0/] Msg:i love that concept & have used it before, but i think this
has more anger behind it...
Thu Jul 1 20:32:29 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:With real anger, you need to spend some special time with
them and give them some other ways to get it out--and if you can
interrupt them before they say the mean thing, and gently pull them
away (the same as you'd do with hitting)., then
Thu Jul 1 20:32:38 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:they can cry out their feelings instead of being mean.
Thu Jul 1 20:32:51 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:YAY!! daddy's home!! hopefully i won't be distracted
anymore....lol
Thu Jul 1 20:33:19 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:ROFL about the hamburger...too funny!
Thu Jul 1 20:33:30 2004:graceangeles
[0/] Msg:yes - i think a lot of it is in prevention - catching her
before she starts to boil, unfortunately sometimes it can come out
of what seems to be nowhere!
Thu Jul 1 20:33:48 2004:graceangeles
[0/] Msg:she was upset w/ a friend for wearing capris the other day!
Thu Jul 1 20:34:04 2004:bananamama
[0/] Msg:I know what you mean graceangeles. I have 3 very closely
spaced kids, and boy are there confrontations there!
Thu Jul 1 20:34:14 2004:graceangeles
[0/] Msg:obviously a very sensitive child here
Thu Jul 1 20:34:16 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:Hi everyone--I am having a hard time keeping my answers
short enough for one post, so I will use ---if I am in the middle,
and say "Next" when I am done, and feel free to ask a follow up
question
Thu Jul 1 20:34:18 2004:bananamama
[0/] Msg:Someone is almost always boiling here
Thu Jul 1 20:35:35 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:yes, kids can go from zero to sixty fast, but that just
keeps us on our toes, right? Also, we have to remember that it is
not the end of the world for young children to say "I hate you." it
isn't nice, but kids recover from this. not that we shouldn't try
Thu Jul 1 20:35:39 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:to redirect it.
Thu Jul 1 20:36:07 2004:Heidi
[0/] Login:
Thu Jul 1 20:36:48 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:sounds good, dr (about the -- and next)
Thu Jul 1 20:36:58 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:hi heidi!
Thu Jul 1 20:37:08 2004:Heidi
[0/] Msg:Hiyas :)
Thu Jul 1 20:37:25 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:With a super-sensitive child, you may have to gently push
them a little bit--once again, getting them to direct some of those
feelings towards you instead of other kids--give them a chance to
boss you around (set a timer for fifteen minutes too.
Thu Jul 1 20:38:01 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:mext
Thu Jul 1 20:38:04 2004:Cass
[0/] Msg:How can I help my 15 month old understand "gentle?" He is
going after other little children and our dog and us aggressively.
With my 3.5 y old I can wrestle with her, but with the baby nothing
seems to work.
Thu Jul 1 20:38:08 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:oops, next
Thu Jul 1 20:38:10 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:How do I help my 2.25 yr old love his 6mo sister more
gently? He will go to hug her and lay on top of her or tries to play
with her and pulls her feet or "tickles" her in the face which of
course hurts and makes her upset
Thu Jul 1 20:38:16 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:did that answer your question graceangeles?
Thu Jul 1 20:38:21 2004:Cass
[0/] Msg:oops sorry if i cut ahead!
Thu Jul 1 20:38:50 2004:kiminsac
[0/] Login:
Thu Jul 1 20:38:58 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:CASS...i'm asking people to PM me if they have a
question....so that i can add them to the list....
Thu Jul 1 20:39:01 2004:graceangeles
[0/] Msg:yes & no - any ideas for a quick script for when it does
happen? i usually leave the room w/ her & we talk but i think the
other child needs to hear *something* too
Thu Jul 1 20:39:35 2004:graceangeles
[0/] Msg:just so they will not be hurt anymore - i do not force
sorrys & isabel is not quick to offer any retribution
Thu Jul 1 20:39:39 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:you can't really get a 15 month old to really understand,
you can only supervise closely enough to prevent it--I know that
seems like a ton of work, and it is, but it is for a brief period.
and sorry--I'll follow up graceangeles also
Thu Jul 1 20:40:45 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:hi KIMINSAC
Thu Jul 1 20:40:54 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:you can tell the other child, "I am going to take Susie out
to talk to her about saying that to you, because we all know that
isn't right. Is that ok wuith you? You can also ask the injured
party, in front of the other one--we need to make this rig---
Thu Jul 1 20:41:42 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:right. does anyone have any ideas on how to make this
right? I like that much better than forcing an apology--making it
right MIGHT mean an apology but it might mean some other type of
reconciliation.---al
Thu Jul 1 20:42:55 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:also, you can do what I do, which is to play the "happy
dense person." that means when we hear a child say something awful,
we say ---
Thu Jul 1 20:43:32 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:with a big smile, "yikes, that might have hurt someone's
feelings! wow! what are we going to do about that. I am not sure
Susie liked hearing that.---th
Thu Jul 1 20:44:21 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:e idea of being happy and dense is it lets kids know that
you don't take it too too seriously but you are paying attention to
it, and you believe that it can be set right. I forgot a question
from earlier--so can it be repeated?
Thu Jul 1 20:44:33 2004:graceangeles
[0/] Msg:that sounds perfect! i remember that game now...:)
Thu Jul 1 20:45:01 2004:angel
[0/] Logout:_
Thu Jul 1 20:45:03 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:how do I help my 2.25 yr old love his sister more gently
Thu Jul 1 20:45:27 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:he will "tickle" her in the face or pull her feet too hard
or crawl on top of her to hug her
Thu Jul 1 20:45:53 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:Oddly enough, I think you do this by letting him get all
the aggression out in a symbolic way. I like to play "baby in the
hot lava." Here's how it works---
Thu Jul 1 20:45:57 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:h does know (despite his age) how to be gentle- and is with
all other kids and babies but not Marin
Thu Jul 1 20:47:03 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:You wait to the baby is safely asleep or away, then get a
baby doll and say, "Oh no, the baby is so close to the edge of the
HOT LAVA, what are we going to do???! The older child will gleefully
knock the child into the lava and then rescue the child, and -
Thu Jul 1 20:47:54 2004:wvansant
[0/] Login:
Thu Jul 1 20:47:58 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:then play out these twin themes of love and hate, with
gales of laughter. If you can stand to recognize that your precious
toddler has these feelings, that is a great game. later, he'll be
much more loving (but be careful if you take a ---
Thu Jul 1 20:48:02 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:hi WVANSANT!
Thu Jul 1 20:48:13 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:family vacation to a volcano!
Thu Jul 1 20:48:30 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:*laughter*
Thu Jul 1 20:48:49 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:next
Thu Jul 1 20:48:56 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:I am not sure Elijah gets the rescue part
Thu Jul 1 20:49:25 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:well, you can introduce the rescue theme yourself, that's
fine. he'll catch on.
Thu Jul 1 20:49:44 2004:marisa
[0/] Msg:thanks
Thu Jul 1 20:49:48 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:geokelkate is next if marisa's done
Thu Jul 1 20:49:48 2004:Kimberly
[0/] Logout:_
Thu Jul 1 20:49:52 2004:geokelkate
[0/] Msg:I have a question from my sister regarding her 10 year
daughter who is suddenly having a hard time going to bed. She claims
to be scared to fall asleep b-cuz she is thinking about the
dementors from the Harry Potter movie. She has been told to think
happy
Thu Jul 1 20:50:12 2004:geokelkate
[0/] Msg:thoughts but says she can't control her thoughts. Is that a
normal statement from a 10 year old?
Thu Jul 1 20:50:20 2004:geokelkate
[0/] Msg:She tends to be a bit anxious anyways.
Thu Jul 1 20:50:46 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:yes, it is very normal and very common and the age-ratings
on movies are of course absurd, fears don't follow MPAA ratings---
Thu Jul 1 20:51:32 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:so what to do: during daytime playtimes, play "dementor"
and be a goofy, bumbling, not very scary dementor. this gives the
child mastery and control---
Thu Jul 1 20:51:33 2004:lucsmama
[0/] Login:
Thu Jul 1 20:51:39 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:hi lucsmama!
Thu Jul 1 20:52:07 2004:lucsmama
[0/] Msg:hi
Thu Jul 1 20:52:21 2004:geokelkate
[0/] Msg:that is a good idea...
Thu Jul 1 20:52:36 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:also, allow some regression, let them spend more time
cuddling etc.
Thu Jul 1 20:52:40 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:next
Thu Jul 1 20:52:44 2004:lucsmama
[0/] JoinRoom:_
Thu Jul 1 20:52:53 2004:geokelkate
[0/] Msg:thanks
Thu Jul 1 20:53:32 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:mocha is next
Thu Jul 1 20:55:10 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:while we're waiting for mocha's question...anyone who
hasn't figured out the colors feature yet....the button is on the
top of the chat window....
Thu Jul 1 20:55:19 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:choose a color that makes you stand out from the rest of us
Thu Jul 1 20:55:20 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg::)
Thu Jul 1 20:56:22 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:and also while we're waiting, if you want to get my free
monthly email newsletter, write to subscribe@playfulparenting.com (I
check my spelling on that!)
Thu Jul 1 20:56:51 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:just for fun....right click in the box you type in to find
the list of all the graphic and audio emoticons
Thu Jul 1 20:57:12 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:spelling schmelling, LOL
Thu Jul 1 20:57:43 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:let me add to the comment about a ten year old scared by
harry potter movie--this is very hard for a child, because on top of
being scared, tehy feel ashamed of being scared. of course, the
mpoviemakers are trying hard to make it scary, but not too scary--
Thu Jul 1 20:58:09 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:and they will make some mistakes aboutthat. we need to tell
children it is ok to ve scared.
Thu Jul 1 20:58:49 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:mocha must have stepped away from her computer...dragonfly,
you get bumped up...we'll let mocha go when she comes back
Thu Jul 1 20:58:58 2004:CerridwenLorelei
[0/] Login:
Thu Jul 1 20:59:06 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:hi cerridwen!
Thu Jul 1 20:59:10 2004:CerridwenLorelei
[0/] Msg:hi
Thu Jul 1 20:59:15 2004:CerridwenLorelei
[0/] Msg:am in the right spot?
Thu Jul 1 20:59:24 2004:Heidi
[0/] Disconnect:204.97.234.75
Thu Jul 1 20:59:26 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:yup....playful parenting?
Thu Jul 1 20:59:33 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:dragonfly, you there?
Thu Jul 1 20:59:44 2004:CerridwenLorelei
[0/] Msg:yep followed the mdc link
Thu Jul 1 20:59:51 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:cool! right place then
Thu Jul 1 21:00:01 2004:Cuddlebaby
[0/] Login:
Thu Jul 1 21:00:15 2004:destinysmommy03
[0/] Login:
Thu Jul 1 21:00:19 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:well we are all mommies....(except for the good dr)...so i
guess kiddos are distracting some....
Thu Jul 1 21:00:27 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:hi cuddlebaby and destinysmommy
Thu Jul 1 21:00:33 2004:destinysmommy03
[0/] Msg:hello
Thu Jul 1 21:00:35 2004:CerridwenLorelei
[0/] Msg:Webmama_Tina Webmama_Tina had never heard of this so wanted
to check it out
Thu Jul 1 21:00:41 2004:Cuddlebaby
[0/] Msg:hello
Thu Jul 1 21:00:50 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:hm....dragonfly seems distracted so lets move along to cass
Thu Jul 1 21:00:53 2004:Cass
[0/] Msg:What is a good way of helping my 3.5 yr old recover after
playdates with other children who dont want to share and insist on
being first at everything, and insist on saying they "won"? She gets
very upset. I have tried working it out in play but I'm not su
Thu Jul 1 21:01:24 2004:Cass
[0/] Msg:re if she really recovers because when we see them a week
later, she is telling them that they need to share or it is her
turn.
Thu Jul 1 21:01:54 2004:Cass
[0/] Msg:Why are 3 yr olds so competitive? LOL
Thu Jul 1 21:02:31 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:It seems to me that she should never give up expecting or
asking for this from her peers--even if they are unlikely to give
it. that doesn't mean they haven't recovered---
Thu Jul 1 21:02:54 2004:Cass
[0/] Msg:that is true, i would just think that with each day we
would have a fresh start
Thu Jul 1 21:03:17 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:and yes, they are quite competitive at this age, and very
big on fairness (which doesn't mean they always play fair
themselves-but they notice that others aren't---
Thu Jul 1 21:04:08 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:in play, you can let her be the bossy and obnoxious one,
while you stand up for yourself or give in (whatever makes her
laugh), or you can have a special stuffed animal be obnoxious, and
let her throw it across the room or give it a stern talking to. ok?
Thu Jul 1 21:04:29 2004:Cass
[0/] Msg:she seems to always want to be the "good" one in play
Thu Jul 1 21:04:56 2004:thetrainengineer@cox.net
[0/] Login:
Thu Jul 1 21:05:08 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:hi train engineer!
Thu Jul 1 21:05:18 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:you're the second person tonite who's logged in with an
email
Thu Jul 1 21:05:20 2004:thetrainengineer@cox.net
[0/] Msg:Hello
Thu Jul 1 21:05:31 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:that's fine--you can enjoy being the mean one (those are
alwyas the juiciest parts!) I just saw a bumper sticker that said,
"My life hasn't been the same since that house fell on my sister" so
enjoy being the wicked witch.
Thu Jul 1 21:05:36 2004:Cass
[0/] Msg:when i want her to be obnoxious and bossy she wont...L O L
Thu Jul 1 21:05:59 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:as they say, be careful what you wish for! next?
Thu Jul 1 21:06:25 2004:mocha09
[0/] Msg:What would you say about a situation in which a child is
drawing another child into gun and other violent play? (situation in
my play group)
Thu Jul 1 21:06:36 2004:CerridwenLorelei
[0/] Logout:_
Thu Jul 1 21:06:45 2004:mocha09
[0/] Msg:the mother of the other child is very upset that her child
is being drawn into violent play
Thu Jul 1 21:06:51 2004:CerridwenLorelei
[0/] Login:
Thu Jul 1 21:06:59 2004:mocha09
[0/] Msg:We tried "the love gun" and changing the gun to a pearnut
butter shooter and stuff
Thu Jul 1 21:07:09 2004:mocha09
[0/] Msg:but he seems to sense that he is getting a strong reactino
with the gun and enemy theme
Thu Jul 1 21:08:03 2004:mocha09
[0/] Msg:Predictably, talking to him about feeling sad and angry
about guns and words like "enemy" just send him off laughing and
doing it more
Thu Jul 1 21:08:07 2004:marisa
[0/] Logout:_
Thu Jul 1 21:08:11 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:Children have aggressive feelings, and they need to play
these out in symbolic play. They do this best through make-beleive,
not through realistic looking weapons. but we have to be careful not
to think that "other children" are corrupting our children---
Thu Jul 1 21:08:28 2004:destinysmommy03
[0/] Logout:_
Thu Jul 1 21:09:12 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:our own children have a lure towards this stuff too. (and
sorry i didn't wait for you to finish the question)---
Thu Jul 1 21:09:21 2004:mocha09
[0/] Msg:no, i'm done!
Thu Jul 1 21:09:28 2004:lucsmama
[0/] Logout:_
Thu Jul 1 21:09:33 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:the best thing is for you as a grown up to JOIN IN the
play. this lets you broaden and expand it.---
Thu Jul 1 21:10:07 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:you can say, "oh my heavens, frankie has lost his head, we
better call the paramedics and get it sewn back on, we've been
through so many battles together.
Thu Jul 1 21:10:11 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:that way you ---i
Thu Jul 1 21:10:15 2004:mocha09
[0/] Msg:do you think the other children could get violent ideas/jmessages
from this type of play (that they didn't intiate)?
Thu Jul 1 21:10:28 2004:sahm2jordan
[0/] Login:
Thu Jul 1 21:10:32 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:ntriduce themes of rescue loyalty, friendship, bravery etc
into the games---also
Thu Jul 1 21:10:40 2004:kareninmontreal
[0/] Login:
Thu Jul 1 21:10:53 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:hi sahm2jordan and kareninmontreal
Thu Jul 1 21:10:57 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg::)
Thu Jul 1 21:11:04 2004:sahm2jordan
[0/] Msg:Hi!
Thu Jul 1 21:11:11 2004:sahm2jordan
[0/] Msg:I'm so excited to be here!
Thu Jul 1 21:11:13 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:, if a child is scared by the play of other kids (I saw
this a lot post-9/11, some kids played it out with toy planes nad
explosions, wiule other kids were scared by that play)---
Thu Jul 1 21:11:13 2004:Cuddlebaby
[0/] Msg:great suggestion Dr C :)
Thu Jul 1 21:11:43 2004:CerridwenLorelei
[0/] Logout:_
Thu Jul 1 21:12:00 2004:sahm2jordan
[0/] Msg:do we just jump in anywhere?
Thu Jul 1 21:12:04 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:then we have to help that child with fears--it isn't so
important that "another child" caused the fear, we have to let them
be powerful and scare us and we get to ham up being afraid so tehy
can feel brave and powerful.
Thu Jul 1 21:12:15 2004:CerridwenLorelei
[0/] Login:
Thu Jul 1 21:12:16 2004:kareninmontreal
[0/] Msg:HI to all; I've never chatted before, so excuse any
clumsiness; I may just 'listen'.
Thu Jul 1 21:12:37 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:we also have to compromise between our own values of
pacifism etc and our sons' desires for mayhem and violence (at least
the symbolic type)
Thu Jul 1 21:12:47 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:SAHM2JORDAN...i'm asking people to PM me if they have a
question....and i'll add them to my list
Thu Jul 1 21:12:58 2004:mocha09
[0/] Msg:do you think other children could get "into" violence from
playing this way?
Thu Jul 1 21:13:18 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:double click on the name you want to PM (private message)
in the right list to PM
Thu Jul 1 21:13:35 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:oh that was redundant, lol
Thu Jul 1 21:13:37 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:those new to the chat tonight, if you have a question for
me about playful parenting (or anything else!), send a private
message to webmaster tine by double clicking her name--no need to
say the question, just that you have one, and she'll hand out turns.
O
Thu Jul 1 21:13:52 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:thankyou doctor! LOL
Thu Jul 1 21:13:53 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:speaking of reundant!
Thu Jul 1 21:14:00 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:ROFLMAO
Thu Jul 1 21:14:04 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:*laughter*
Thu Jul 1 21:16:03 2004:CerridwenLorelei
[0/] Msg:k
Thu Jul 1 21:16:09 2004:CerridwenLorelei
[0/] Msg:oops sorru
Thu Jul 1 21:16:10 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:whos
Thu Jul 1 21:16:11 2004:CerridwenLorelei
[0/] Msg:sorry
Thu Jul 1 21:16:12 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:next?
Thu Jul 1 21:16:25 2004:kiminsac
[0/] Logout:_
Thu Jul 1 21:17:18 2004:Cuddlebaby
[0/] Logout:_
Thu Jul 1 21:17:23 2004:mocha09
[0/] Msg:My own daughter is 1 1/2. At what age do you think we can
start playing out power/anxiety issues?
Thu Jul 1 21:17:30 2004:bibi26
[0/] Logout:_
Thu Jul 1 21:17:56 2004:phathui5
[0/] Login:
Thu Jul 1 21:18:17 2004:dlgulick97
[0/] Login:
Thu Jul 1 21:18:18 2004:phathui5
[0/] Msg:any ideas for getting ds to stay in bed?
Thu Jul 1 21:18:20 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:right about now, I'd say,right when they are fresh and so
importantin her life, and yours! can you say what those issues are
so i can be more specific.
Thu Jul 1 21:18:46 2004:phathui5
[0/] Msg:he's 3 1/2
Thu Jul 1 21:18:48 2004:Crystal_in_Alaska
[0/] Login:
Thu Jul 1 21:18:53 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:that question was for mocha9
Thu Jul 1 21:19:04 2004:mocha09
[0/] Msg:anxiety over an older kid I babysit for, grabbing, pushing
that goes on between them
Thu Jul 1 21:19:41 2004:mocha09
[0/] Msg:She just learned how to say "no!" "Mine!" and "stop!" this
week, examples....
Thu Jul 1 21:19:46 2004:bananamama
[0/] Logout:_
Thu Jul 1 21:19:56 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:PHATHUI...we are taking turns...i have a list...i'll add
you to the list :)
Thu Jul 1 21:20:00 2004:mocha09
[0/] Msg:she melts down sometiems when he leaves at the end of the
day
Thu Jul 1 21:20:23 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:did dragonfly ever come back?
Thu Jul 1 21:20:31 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:she was next
Thu Jul 1 21:20:48 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:sounds like jealousy more than anxiety, or am I missing
something? and also like toddler stuff coming along right on
schedule. sounds like she likes and misses the other kid but also
gets jealous.---
Thu Jul 1 21:21:25 2004:mocha09
[0/] Msg:I think it is anxiety ... she's responding to his
aggression
Thu Jul 1 21:21:32 2004:mocha09
[0/] Msg:picking up on his aggressive behaviors
Thu Jul 1 21:21:45 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:yes you can play with this. pick up a stuffed animal and
have it try to push her out of the way so that "only the bear" can
snuggle with you--she'll fight the bear for your attention, but keep
the game silly and lighthearted.---
Thu Jul 1 21:22:25 2004:mocha09
[0/] Msg:GotchaThu Jul 1 21:23:07 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:and in that case, you can have a stuffed animal be a little
bit aggressiv, just enough to get her to notice, but let her win out
over this animal, she needs to be the "big one" during playtime
since she is teh little one with this other child.
Thu Jul 1 21:23:27 2004:Beckie
[0/] Login:
Thu Jul 1 21:23:34 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:hiya beckster!!!
Thu Jul 1 21:23:41 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:Hi, sorry I am late
Thu Jul 1 21:23:47 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:no worries
Thu Jul 1 21:25:19 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:physical adventures, like slides and swings, are a greaqt
way for children to overcome anxieties--let them succeed at exciting
physcial things and they gain great confidence. at this age they
love to knock grown ups over (since they still fall over a lot-
Thu Jul 1 21:25:50 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:so let them push you over and ham it up, then get up and
say "you better not do that again!" and of course they will. make
sense?
Thu Jul 1 21:26:14 2004:mocha09
[0/] Msg:Makes a lot of sense, thank you!
Thu Jul 1 21:26:41 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:dragonfly??
Thu Jul 1 21:27:21 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:well, her kiddos must be detaining her....moving along to
wvansant...
Thu Jul 1 21:27:23 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:you're up!
Thu Jul 1 21:27:29 2004:wvansant
[0/] Msg:Hi Dr. Cohen. I am currently reading "Playful Parenting"
and I love it. However, I am having trouble being playful sometimes.
I find I have to force myself to play games with my son (I'm a stay
at home mom- he's 2) Whenever we are playing,my mind starts
Thu Jul 1 21:28:02 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:mamas....if you think of another question after your
turn...just PM me to get back in "line"...i re-add you to the list
Thu Jul 1 21:28:06 2004:wvansant
[0/] Msg:wandering to things I need to get done....any advice on how
I can become more playful?
Thu Jul 1 21:28:48 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:OMG wvansant, that is SO me!! LOL
Thu Jul 1 21:28:55 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:Good Question!!
Thu Jul 1 21:29:03 2004:Webmama_Tina [0/] Msg:*eagerly
awaiting that answer....*
Thu Jul 1 21:29:20 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:welcome to the club!!! This is an occupational hazard of
parenting, and anyone who says they love every minuite of playing is
missing some brain cells!---
Thu Jul 1 21:29:49 2004:mom2kbeth
[0/] Login:
Thu Jul 1 21:29:57 2004:Webmama_Tina [0/] Msg:hi
mom2kbeth!
Thu Jul 1 21:30:05 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:but we do need to make an effort, and the best way I know
how is to set a timer for fifteen minutes and give extra enthusiasm
and attention for that time. remember that "quality" time isreally
the quality oif ---
Thu Jul 1 21:30:06 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:LOL dr
Thu Jul 1 21:30:59 2004:mom2kbeth
[0/] Logout:_
Thu Jul 1 21:31:01 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:of our attention, not the specialness of the activity.
Also,we all need more support and more time to ourselves, especially
moms at home full time.
Thu Jul 1 21:31:06 2004:mom2kbeth
[0/] Login:
Thu Jul 1 21:31:14 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:WB mom2kbeth
Thu Jul 1 21:31:16 2004:sandysjubilee
[0/] Login:
Thu Jul 1 21:31:16 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg::)
Thu Jul 1 21:31:22 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:hiya sandy!!!
Thu Jul 1 21:31:41 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Logout:_
Thu Jul 1 21:31:45 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:here here dr!
Thu Jul 1 21:31:49 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:woops!
Thu Jul 1 21:31:59 2004:thetrainengineer@cox.net
[0/] Logout:_
Thu Jul 1 21:31:59 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:guess he got booted...dunno why it does that sometimes
Thu Jul 1 21:32:05 2004:chiedza
[0/] Login:
Thu Jul 1 21:32:11 2004:mom2kbeth
[0/] Msg:sorry - i'm still trying to figure this chat thing out!
Thu Jul 1 21:32:13 2004:CerridwenLorelei
[0/] Msg:ooh i feel better reading that
Thu Jul 1 21:32:14 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:hiya chiedz!
Thu Jul 1 21:32:25 2004:chiedza
[0/] Msg:hi!
Thu Jul 1 21:32:40 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:the dr just got booted off somehow...or maybe his computer
crashed....hopefully he'll be back soon
Thu Jul 1 21:32:46 2004:sandysjubilee
[0/] Msg:hi there, first time at a chat ....
Thu Jul 1 21:32:49 2004:wvansant
[0/] Msg:thanks!
Thu Jul 1 21:32:51 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Login:
Thu Jul 1 21:32:57 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:yay! he's back...got booted?
Thu Jul 1 21:33:11 2004:wvansant
[0/] Logout:_
Thu Jul 1 21:33:11 2004:CerridwenLorelei
[0/] Msg:wb
Thu Jul 1 21:33:26 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:woops, where did she go?
Thu Jul 1 21:33:26 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:yes,
Thu Jul 1 21:33:40 2004:Shari
[0/] Login:
Thu Jul 1 21:33:47 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:i don't know why it does that sometimes to some people
Thu Jul 1 21:33:49 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:and now I don't have a window to type in so my spellingis
going to be very strange!!
Thu Jul 1 21:34:04 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:no window?
Thu Jul 1 21:34:07 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:oh, now I have it--I am BACK! next question?
Thu Jul 1 21:34:19 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:geokelkate is up next
Thu Jul 1 21:34:22 2004:geokelkate
[0/] Msg:any suggestions on making an out-of-state move as least
tramatic as possible for a three year old...
Thu Jul 1 21:35:42 2004:Shari
[0/] JoinRoom:Chit-Chat
Thu Jul 1 21:35:49 2004:Shari
[0/] JoinRoom:_
Thu Jul 1 21:35:55 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:Talk about it a LOT, play it out in games with animals and
little fisher price people, prepare as much as possible, and expect
that you'll still have lots of tears and upsets. Kids at this age
make strong attachments and it will be a loss, but that ---
Thu Jul 1 21:37:03 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:doesn't mean he won't recover. at this age they can
probably understand drawing a picture and dictating a story about
his life to hide in a secret place for the new owners or renters of
your home to find. ---
Thu Jul 1 21:37:37 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:also, at this age, it is hard for them to understand the
ide aof a permanent move, so expect to need lots of discussion
before they understand that.
Thu Jul 1 21:37:43 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:does that help?
Thu Jul 1 21:37:55 2004:geokelkate
[0/] Msg:yes
Thu Jul 1 21:37:57 2004:geokelkate
[0/] Msg:thanks
Thu Jul 1 21:38:07 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:cerridwen is next
Thu Jul 1 21:38:15 2004:CerridwenLorelei
[0/] Msg:HI
Thu Jul 1 21:38:44 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:oh one more thing about the move--you can expect that any
feelings you have about the move--even feelings you may not be aware
of--will be refelected in your child's response to the move. So make
sure to talk with other adults about your own feelings.
Thu Jul 1 21:39:02 2004:sandysjubilee
[0/] Logout:_
Thu Jul 1 21:39:03 2004:CerridwenLorelei
[0/] Msg:I have a six year old who started acting really angry about
three months after my health deterioated fast , we go to a hs
playgroup 2x a month but havent
Thu Jul 1 21:39:33 2004:kareninmontreal
[0/] JoinRoom:Chit-Chat
Thu Jul 1 21:39:37 2004:CerridwenLorelei
[0/] Msg:been but once since march due to health and weather-either
too hot or way too wet today he says he has been like this because
we haven't been to playgroup
Thu Jul 1 21:39:45 2004:kareninmontreal
[0/] JoinRoom:_
Thu Jul 1 21:40:00 2004:CerridwenLorelei
[0/] Msg:and we are waiting on test results from the rage/anger that
came from nowhere
Thu Jul 1 21:40:02 2004:CerridwenLorelei
[0/] Msg:it seems
Thu Jul 1 21:41:10 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:*note to everyone who hasn't yet done so...you can change
your color by clicking the color button at the top of the chat
window...it makes it easier to distinguish between who's talking.**
Thu Jul 1 21:41:11 2004:CerridwenLorelei
[0/] Msg:could it really be that simple even though the behaviour
began before the decreased time
Thu Jul 1 21:41:49 2004:CerridwenLorelei
[0/] Msg:is this better
Thu Jul 1 21:41:50 2004:Dragonfly
[0/] Logout:_
Thu Jul 1 21:42:40 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:I think rage and anger is a very common and understandable
reaction to a parents' health problems--the fear by the child is
hard for them to handle so they lash out angrily instead. of course,
many of us adultts to the same thing---
Thu Jul 1 21:43:15 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg::)
Thu Jul 1 21:43:20 2004:CerridwenLorelei
[0/] Msg:I have been ill for several years but as of sept things got
much worse...
Thu Jul 1 21:43:59 2004:chiedza
[0/] Logout:_
Thu Jul 1 21:44:34 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:so he seems like he's had two losses, one from your health
problems and one from missing the play group. children usually don't
grieve losses the same way as adults do, instead they regress or
they get aggressive (most commonly). I think that getting ---
Thu Jul 1 21:44:46 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:an evaluation about a big change like this is always a good
idea.
Thu Jul 1 21:45:53 2004:CerridwenLorelei
[0/] Msg:ty he is also youngest of four and struggles with that
sometimes
Thu Jul 1 21:46:05 2004:CerridwenLorelei
[0/] Msg:wanting to be young but big can't decide
Thu Jul 1 21:46:24 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:underneath the anger and aggression there is almost always
fear and sadness--the trick is to interrupt the aggressive behavior
(by holding him close, perhaps) and get out the tears and trembling
underneath, so he can heal emotionally from all this.---
Thu Jul 1 21:46:53 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:let me tell you a story about a boy I saw in play therapy.
His father had been sick since he was one, when he saw lots of scary
medical equipment. At this time the boy was seven---
Thu Jul 1 21:47:20 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:he loved playing with toy and pretend guns and violent
viodeo games. one itme he picked up a huge stick and said it was a
bazooka.---
Thu Jul 1 21:48:01 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:I asked him why he thought some kids were really into guns.
he said he didn't know. i said maybe it was becaise things often
seemed out of control and scary and things like pretend guns could
make the world seem safer and more controllable. He ---
Thu Jul 1 21:48:29 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:swund the bramch around, just missing me, and said, "that's
not it and don't tell my mom!" I think I was on the right track!---
Thu Jul 1 21:48:42 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:good luck with this, sounds very chalenging.
Thu Jul 1 21:48:49 2004:CerridwenLorelei
[0/] Msg:ty
Thu Jul 1 21:48:55 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:cass is next
Thu Jul 1 21:49:02 2004:Cass
[0/] Msg:My 3.5 yr old daughter has been aggressive in play, and we
always seem to find the gentle and meek children to play with, and
she tends to run them over in her exuberance
Thu Jul 1 21:49:40 2004:Cass
[0/] Msg:Is there anything I can do to help her learn to read people
Thu Jul 1 21:49:55 2004:Cass
[0/] Msg:oops my 15 month old is attacking the keyboard
Thu Jul 1 21:50:45 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:At 3.5, I don't think she is going to get a whole lot
better at reading people except from lots more life experience, but
you can try watching movies, flippin ghtrough magazines, etc, and
asking her what she thinks people are thinking and feeling---
Thu Jul 1 21:50:58 2004:Cass
[0/] Msg:i am afraid that my daughter is getting negative feedback
about her being exuberant becuase the other children are so passive'
Thu Jul 1 21:51:08 2004:Cass
[0/] Msg:sorry my son is attacking my head
Thu Jul 1 21:51:18 2004:Cass
[0/] Msg:L o L
Thu Jul 1 21:51:20 2004:Cass
[0/] Msg:ouch
Thu Jul 1 21:51:41 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:I think more important at this age and with this play
style, is that she needs to go "all out," and these gentle peers
don't stand up to that kind of play. But you can. So you can say,
"that's too rough for other kids but we can wrestle--see if you can
--
Thu Jul 1 21:52:10 2004:Cass
[0/] Msg:how do i deal with the other moms who get angry with us?
Thu Jul 1 21:52:12 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:LOL cass
Thu Jul 1 21:52:21 2004:Cass
[0/] Msg:L O L
Thu Jul 1 21:52:38 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:push me over using all your strength. (always promote
constant pushing in playful wrestling, not hitting or punching). ---
Thu Jul 1 21:53:15 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:about handling the other moms: I'd be frank and say, "I
think these kids differnet play styles gets in the way sometimes of
everyone---
Thu Jul 1 21:54:20 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:being happy with the play, do you have any ideas? that gets
it away from your kid being the bad kid to be avoided. But see my
Larry's rules of wrestling on playfulparenting.com for more info.
Thu Jul 1 21:54:37 2004:Cass
[0/] Msg:Thank you so much Dr. Cohen
Thu Jul 1 21:54:57 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:sahm2jordan is next
Thu Jul 1 21:55:06 2004:sahm2jordan
[0/] Msg:Yay!
Thu Jul 1 21:55:09 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg::)
Thu Jul 1 21:55:15 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:thanks for being patient :)
Thu Jul 1 21:55:31 2004:sahm2jordan
[0/] Msg:My girl is 3 and has juvenile arthritis so I have really 2
quesitions on this
Thu Jul 1 21:55:43 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:ok
Thu Jul 1 21:55:59 2004:sahm2jordan
[0/] Msg:One we do play a lot but how do I get her to do things she
doesn't want to do like wear shoes with a lift all day even in the
house?? Any suggestions for makign this fun?
Thu Jul 1 21:56:43 2004:sahm2jordan
[0/] Msg:the other is that often childre will grab her hand to pull
her off to play. she has 3 joints in one hand and her other wrist
with arthritis so this can be painful and potentially harmful .. any
suggestions on this?
Thu Jul 1 21:56:46 2004:bttmama
[0/] Disconnect:24.218.181.122
Thu Jul 1 21:56:57 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:the best way is to come up with something that she can
order you to do, that you make a big funny pretned how of not
wanting to do--turn the tables---
Thu Jul 1 21:58:46 2004:mocha09
[0/] Login:
Thu Jul 1 21:58:49 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:I think that until she is a little older you will have to
be closer by so you can interrupt this from happening. at 3 she
can't be in charge of telling other kids not to pull her hand--when
she is older she can. always offer them another way to make--
Thu Jul 1 21:59:22 2004:sahm2jordan
[0/] Msg:That's what I've been doing but there is one of course that
is a hand puller
Thu Jul 1 21:59:36 2004:Shari
[0/] Logout:_
Thu Jul 1 22:00:00 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:contact, don't just say "no don't do that." also, with your
daughter, pracitce at home how to handle this--let her come up with
silly and also effective ways to handle it. if she asks you how you
would do it, tell her some goofy ideas, so that she says---
Thu Jul 1 22:00:03 2004:sahm2jordan
[0/] Msg:I also worry about falls from this since she has knees in
there too.. KWIM
Thu Jul 1 22:00:09 2004:phathui5
[0/] Msg:brb- ds is saying he's hungry
Thu Jul 1 22:00:31 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:"no mom, that's silly, here's how to do it." kids are often
very creative about stuf like this if we empoewr them to think of
good solutions.
Thu Jul 1 22:01:13 2004:sahm2jordan
[0/] Msg:I'll start working on that tomorrow - she has a good friend
who is bad for this . I'm hoping the mom will work with her on this
when their not together too.
Thu Jul 1 22:01:35 2004:sahm2jordan
[0/] Msg:thank you and I'm a huge fan of your book!!!! turned my
daddys girl into a momma girl! LOL
Thu Jul 1 22:01:46 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:kareninmontreal ...you're next!
Thu Jul 1 22:01:48 2004:kareninmontreal
[0/] Msg:my 4.5 y old son has been acting very jealous of his 3 yr
old sister lately, primarily by 'needing' any toy she touches as
soon as she touches it, then discarding it as soon as it's his turn
to play with it. Any ideas how to 'play' about this? I've tried
Thu Jul 1 22:02:07 2004:kareninmontreal
[0/] Msg:making his bear the jealous and grabby one, but it just
made him mad!
Thu Jul 1 22:02:09 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:if there is a particular child who "doesn't get it," you
may have to play out the game with that child--let them pull your
hand and ham it up, make sure to tell that child "I know you like my
daughter and want her to play with you, let's find another way---
Thu Jul 1 22:02:33 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:to show that--you offer silly ideas and she'll come up with
good ones.
Thu Jul 1 22:02:33 2004:kareninmontreal
[0/] Msg:Oooh, that's a bad colour, I'll try to change it!
Thu Jul 1 22:02:59 2004:sahm2jordan
[0/] Msg:thank you much.. said the eyes..
Thu Jul 1 22:03:13 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:*laughter*
Thu Jul 1 22:03:36 2004:CerridwenLorelei
[0/] JoinRoom:Chit-Chat
Thu Jul 1 22:03:56 2004:CerridwenLorelei
[0/] JoinRoom:_
Thu Jul 1 22:03:56 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:well, it isn't necessarily bad for that game to make him
mad--it may be just right to get him mad at you and the bear instead
of his sistersine he has to get out some feelings. but you don't
want it to feel like you are making fun of him---
Thu Jul 1 22:04:05 2004:CerridwenLorelei
[0/] Logout:_
Thu Jul 1 22:04:12 2004:phathui5
[0/] Msg:i'm back
Thu Jul 1 22:04:14 2004:kareninmontreal
[0/] Msg:Yah, almost seems like he'
Thu Jul 1 22:04:25 2004:kareninmontreal
[0/] Msg:is "on to me" when I do that!
Thu Jul 1 22:04:40 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:hi back :?
Thu Jul 1 22:04:43 2004:CerridwenLorelei
[0/] Login:
Thu Jul 1 22:05:21 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:you can gently stop him from taking his sister's tpoys, and
then listen while he sobs for hours about how you love her more than
him, then if you stick with it (it's not asy, but worth it) the sun
will come ut and he'll be his loving self again.---
Thu Jul 1 22:05:40 2004:kc [0/]
Login:
Thu Jul 1 22:05:47 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:about 5 minutes left for the scheduled chat...dunno if the
doctor will need to leave right away or not....?
Thu Jul 1 22:06:13 2004:kareninmontreal
[0/] Msg:In the past I"ve been able to talk to him about htings that
upset him, and he's responded so well, but on this one, he just
keeps insisting the problem is
Thu Jul 1 22:06:14 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:also, when kids "see through" these playful parenting
games, it is good to be very open with them, e.g., "I want to give
you a hand with jealousy and sharing and grabbing. My idea is to
have this here bear be a super grabber, what do you think, you
wan---
Thu Jul 1 22:06:16 2004:Christi
[0/] Login:
Thu Jul 1 22:06:23 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:hi kc and christi!
Thu Jul 1 22:06:24 2004:Cass
[0/] Logout:_
Thu Jul 1 22:06:28 2004:kareninmontreal
[0/] Msg:that he needs that toy, needs it, needs it.
Thu Jul 1 22:06:31 2004:Christi
[0/] Msg:hi!
Thu Jul 1 22:06:39 2004:kc [0/]
Msg:hello
Thu Jul 1 22:06:44 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:want to play that game? if not, you got any other
suggestions.
Thu Jul 1 22:06:47 2004:kc [0/]
Msg:I'm sorry I saw this so late
Thu Jul 1 22:06:53 2004:Christi
[0/] Msg:me too
Thu Jul 1 22:07:34 2004:kc [0/]
Msg:have you discussed young toddlers much yet?
Thu Jul 1 22:07:42 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:if he needs needs needs that toy, he is trying to show that
he needs more of you, which of course he has to share. so let him
think he is needing the toy, let him cry cry cry about not being
able to have it while you gently comfort him, empathizing ---
Thu Jul 1 22:07:50 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:we're just finishing up....but it all depends on how long
the dr can stay as to how long we go
Thu Jul 1 22:07:52 2004:kareninmontreal
[0/] Msg:Ah, that might work! Everything else I've tried from your
book always has - ya got some kind of magic? Thanks a lot!
Thu Jul 1 22:08:07 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:with the toy-need, because you know it's really mommy-need.
After a few of these big cries he will do better, that is much
better than ---
Thu Jul 1 22:08:26 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:waiting till he acts up and getting angry or punishing him.
Thu Jul 1 22:09:16 2004:kareninmontreal
[0/] Msg:Part of this might be papa-need, instead, bc his beloved
papou has been working a lot lately, so we'll see if this helps. Thx
Thu Jul 1 22:09:33 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:PHATHUI, you are next, mocha gave you cuts since you
haven't gotten to ask anything yet and we are running out of time
Thu Jul 1 22:09:55 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:I'm afraid i have to sign off and deal with my teenager,
who is just getting rolling at 10 pm--she hasn't been up all that
many hours!---
Thu Jul 1 22:10:07 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:but I'll stay for one more question
Thu Jul 1 22:10:10 2004:phathui5
[0/] Msg:cool
Thu Jul 1 22:10:16 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:ok great!
Thu Jul 1 22:10:34 2004:phathui5
[0/] Msg:i need ideas for getting ds to stay in bed at bedtime
Thu Jul 1 22:11:10 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:my number one best idea is this: lay down for awhile with
him, after making sure to fill him up with a full night's worth of
love and affection.---
Thu Jul 1 22:11:16 2004:phathui5
[0/] Msg:what we do now is read a couple books, brush teeth, potty,
and nurse. then i leave the room and he's (ideally) supposed to go
to bed
Thu Jul 1 22:11:56 2004:CerridwenLorelei
[0/] JoinRoom:Chit-Chat
Thu Jul 1 22:12:08 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:then say, "I am going to get up and brush my teeth then
come back to be with you. if you're still up I'll climb back in bed
with you, if you are asleep I'll tuck you in and give you a little
kiss. that way, when you leave, he is thinking "next thing ---
Thu Jul 1 22:12:33 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:that will happen is mom will return, and he can then relax.
instead of "nexst thing that happens is I am all alone, so he can't
relax.
Thu Jul 1 22:12:47 2004:kc [0/]
Logout:_
Thu Jul 1 22:12:51 2004:phathui5
[0/] Msg:that makes sense
Thu Jul 1 22:13:28 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:ad please please don't let him cry it out alone--I have
been seeing more nad more 9-11 year olds who can't sleep theough the
nigth because they were successfully made to cry it out and slept
"well" when they were babies--who never got enough of what they--
Thu Jul 1 22:13:48 2004:CerridwenLorelei
[0/] JoinRoom:_
Thu Jul 1 22:13:50 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:WOOHOO dr!!! BRAVO!!!!!!!!
Thu Jul 1 22:14:07 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:TOTALLY agree with ya there!
Thu Jul 1 22:14:08 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:needed, and now they are older and can't sleep. so let him
soak up all you can give him now, in fact, recent research says tha
boys expecially need---
Thu Jul 1 22:14:21 2004:Beckie
[0/] Msg:That's great! More people need to hear that!!
Thu Jul 1 22:14:28 2004:phathui5
[0/] Msg:dh was getting really mad at him the other night. he even
threatened to spank him , which we don't do. i won't cry it out. i
don't think we even could, he's 3 1/2
Thu Jul 1 22:15:10 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:lots of "contact comfort" and if they don't get it from
their parents when young--if forced to tugh it out and be
alone--they are more likely to act out in dangerous ways when they
are adolescents.
Thu Jul 1 22:15:26 2004:phathui5
[0/] Msg:i needed to hear that
Thu Jul 1 22:15:55 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:that's awesome information!!
Thu Jul 1 22:15:58 2004:mocha09
[0/] Msg:Thank you Dr. Cohen. It was an honor to chat with you.
Thu Jul 1 22:16:14 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:So--there are lots more questions than answers in this
parenting game, but it has been a pleasure chatting with you all.
All the best to you and your families. It is absolutely the biggest
and most important thig we can do as parents is to get together
Thu Jul 1 22:16:14 2004:geokelkate
[0/] Msg:thank you Dr. Cohen!!!!
Thu Jul 1 22:16:19 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:wonderful chat, dr!!! i'd love to have you again if you're
interested....
Thu Jul 1 22:16:39 2004:phathui5
[0/] Msg:he just fell asleep on my lap
Thu Jul 1 22:16:47 2004:kareninmontreal
[0/] Msg:Thanks so much!
Thu Jul 1 22:16:47 2004:Webmama_Tina
[0/] Msg:aw PHATHUI
Thu Jul 1 22:17:02 2004:Christi
[0/] Msg:Thank you
Thu Jul 1 22:17:10 2004:Dr_Larry_Cohen
[0/] Msg:tell our stories and support one another. I was impressed
by the openness and non-judgmental non advice-giving nature of this
chat room. Way to go, good night,Larry
